Grief

When the grief holds me back

I constantly step on it

And defeat at the end of the day .

Hope

When I see the silver lines
Hidden in the dark clouds
I do not fear the tornado
I do not fear the light bolt
I know, the cloud can not hold the truth
The truth of light
The truth of the universe
And hope of my life.

माकुरो

अक्षरहरूको जालो भित्र
कुराहरू छिराएर झुट बल्झाउनेहरू
दिनको उज्यालोलाई हत्केलोले छेक्दै
तितेपातिको झाडिभित्र पुप
अनि आफ्नै खुट्टाभरि पि गर्दैछन,
र भन्दैछन यो सत्य हो कि
उनिहरूले पुप र पि गरेकै हैनन्
गलत त ऊनिहरू हुन
जसले पि को धारो देखे
तितेपातिको मुन्टा निमोठियको देखे
र सिङ्गो माकुरो ठिङ्ग उभियको देखे।

जुठा भाँडा हटाउ

एकदिन होटेलबाट खाना घरमै मगाएर खाने बिचारले 'जुठा भाँडा हटाउ ' अर्थात् 'स्किप द डिसेस ' को मुबाइल एप डाउनलोड गरे । एप गज्जबको रहेछ सयौ रेस्टुरेन्टहरु  आफ्नो मोबाइलमा सरर आउने झिलिमिली थरि थरिको खाने कुराहरुको सुची सहित। आफुले रोजेको रेस्टुरेन्टमा क्लिक गरेपछि  खानेकुराहरुको लिस्ट मूल्य सहित आयो। त्यो मात्र होइन कतिपय रेस्टुरेन्टहरुले बिस डलर भन्दा बढीको खाना मगायो भने सित्तैमा डेलीभेरी पनि गर्दो रहेछ। आफुलाई मसालेदार नेपालि र  इण्डियन खाना नै मनपर्ने भएकोले नेपाली रेस्टुरेन्टबाट काठमान्डू मम दुइ प्लेट, गोट करी एक, बटर नान तिनवटा अर्डर गरे। डेलिभरी फ्री भएकोले पाँच पर्सेन्ट टिप्स जोडेर बयालीस डलर मोबाइलबाटै तिरे। पैसो तिर्नासाथ 'तेरो खानाको अर्डर भैसक्यो। म्याट भन्ने मान्छेले पन्द्र मिनेटमा खाना ल्याइपुर्यौछ भनेर म्यासेज आयो। खाना कहाँ आउदैछ भनेर हेर्नको लागि 'ट्रयाक योर अर्डर ' भनेर लिंक दियो। लिंकमा क्लिक गर्नासाथ् म्याटको गाडी रेस्टुरेन्टतिर आउदै गरेको देखायो। गाडी रेस्टुरेन्टमा गएको, खाना गाडीमा राखेर त्यहाँबाट हिडेको र उसले ड्राइभ गरेको सबै नक्सा फोनको स्क्रीनमा देखियो। गाडी घरमा आइपुगेर पार्क गरेको देखेपछि म तलसम्म खाना लिन गए। उसले खानको झोला हातमा दिदै 'इन्जोय योर मिल सर ' भनेर गयो। तातो तातो खाना खाइयो। भाँडा पनि माझ्नु परेन।

खाना खाइसकेपछि मोबाइलमा 'स्किप द डिसेस ' लिंक खेलाइदै बसे।   हेर्दै गर्दा 'ड्राइभ विद स्किप ' बीकम द करियर ' मा क्लिक गरे। पढ्दै जाँदा 'एज अ करियर ' काम गर्न मन लाग्यो। आफुले भनेको समयम काम गर्न पाइने। दुइ चार पैसो क्यास पनि हुने। नयाँ अनुभव पनि बटुलिने हिसाबले गर्दा  उसले जे जे भन्छ त्यहि त्यहि गर्दै गए। आफ्नो परिचय पत्र , ड्राइभिंग लाइसेन्स र ब्लाङ्क चेक फोटो खिचेर अपलोड पनि गरे। अर्को  'करियर एप'  डाउनलोड गर भन्यो। त्यो पनि गरे। खाना तातो तातो रहने झोला र ब्याकगराउन्ड चेकको लागी सत्तरी डलर पनि तिरे मुबाइल बाटै। पैसो तिरेपछि फलानो ठाँउमा  झोला लिन जा भन्यो। अर्को दिन दुइवटा झोला; एउटा पिजाको लागि र अर्को अन्य खानाको लागि उसले भनेकै ठाउँबाट लिएर आँए। मोबाइलबाटै एक दुइओटा भिडियो ट्रेनिंग पनि दियो। यति काम सक्ना साथ 'रेडी टु ड्राइभ ' भन्यो। 'रेडी 'भने। 'साइन इन गर ' भन्यो। त्यो पनि गरे। 'म्याचिङ्ग योर अर्डर ' भन्यो। एकैछिनमा 'अर्डर म्याच्ड ' भन्यो। क्लिक गरे। फलानो रेस्टुरेन्टबाट फलानो ठाउमा, फलानो मान्छेको खाना लैजा। तैले टिप्स संग जोडेर दश डलर पच्चिस सेन्ट आम्दानि गर्छस भन्यो। मैले 'अर्डर एक्सेप्ट गरे ' उसले जता जता जा भन्छ उतै उतै गए। मेरो मुबाइल मेरै बोस बनिरहेको थियो। न रिसाउने, न चेपारे बोल्ने, न झुट बोल्ने, न तैले यो अर्डर लानै पर्छ बनेर सर्त राक्ने। आफुलाई मन परेको ठाँउमा जान पाउने, मन परेन भने एक मिनेट सम्म अर्डर एक्सेप्ट नगरे त्यो अर्डर झिकेर अर्को अर्डर म्याच गर्ने। नयाँ काम , नयाँ अनुभब। उसले जता  पठायो, उतै उतै दौडे। कहिलेकाही हाँसो उठ्ने।  एक्लै हाँसे। कहिलेकाही रिस उठ्ने आफैलाई सम्झाए। किनभने मेरै मोबाइल मेरो बोस , कसलाई लाउने दोष।

पहिलो दिनको पहिलो अर्डर एउटा मेक्सिकन रेस्टुरेन्ट बाट करिब एक किलोमीटर टाढाको बिल्डिंङ्गमा लैजानु पर्ने। रेस्टुरेन्टको पार्किंग रैनछ। पाँचसय  मिटर टाडा गाडी पार्क गरे। खाना पिक अप गरे र लागे लोरीको अपार्टमेन्टतिर। उनको अपार्टमेन्ट थियो हाइराइज भवनको १६ औ तलामा। उनको कोठामा पुगेपछि, नक् नक् गरे। भित्रबाट एउटा बयस्क महिला टाबेलले मुस्किलले लाज ढाकेर ढोका खोलि। मैले खाना झोलाबाट झिकेर दिए। उसले खानाको ब्याग समाउन यसो हात अगाडी बढाएकी थिई उसको छातीका पोका तुर्लुङ्ग झुन्डिए। मलाई थाहै नदिई आँखा गएर टास्सी हालेछन् । उसले मुसुक्क हाँस्दै 'सोरी' भनि र ढोका बन्द गरि।

फोनमा अर्को घन्टी बज्यो। क्लिक गर्नासाथ् पाँच किलोमिटर पर अर्डर डेलिभर गर।  आम्दानि तिन डलर पच्चिश सेन्ट ।  नो टिप्स। एक्सेप्ट  गरिन ।  पुन अर्डर म्याच भनेर आयो। कुरे दश  मिनेट जति अर्डर दिएन।  बरु तिनै रसिला पोका आँखा अगाडी आइरहे। जति चुसेपनि नरित्तिने जस्ता। निलो आकास झैँ कति सुन्दर आँखा अनि त्यो जंगली गुलाब जस्ता ओठ।

'अर्डर म्याचड।  रेडी टू ड्राइभ। 'घन्टी बजिहाल्यो फोनमा। गाडी दौडाए रेस्टुरेन्ट तिर।  अर्डर पिक गरे र सरासर लागे डेलिबरी गर्न। गुगल म्यापले जता जता भन्छ उतै उतै  गए। रिवर भ्यालीको एउटा सुन्दर बंगलाको अगाडी पुगेर 'योर डेस्टिनेशन अन द राइट ' भन्यो।  सरासर ढोकामा गएर घन्टी बजाए।  भित्रबाट कुकुर भुकेको आवाज आयो। एकैछिनमा ढोका खुल्यो। करिब छ फिट अग्ली गोरी महिला सानो बस्त्रले दूधका मुन्टा छोपेर उभिएकी, देख्नासाथ् मेरा आखा गएर नाइटोको प्वालमा अल्झिए। झोला बाट खाना निकालेर उसको हातमा राखेपछि बल्ल पो थाहा पाए कि मैले त पैसा त लिनै बिर्सेछु। उसको हातमा पैसो देखेपछि बल्ल याद भयो मैले रेस्टुरेन्ट मा तिरेको पैसो। उसको अर्डरको पैतालिस र पाँच डलर गरि पचास डलर दिई उसले। मेरो हेराइले असहज भएछ क्यारे , मुसुक्क हास्दै ढोका बन्द गरि उत्तिखेरै । 

 
अर्डर चेक आउट गरे र लागे गाडीतिर।  मोबाइलको स्क्रिनमा अर्डर म्याचिङ्ग भनेर देखायो। आम्दानी पन्द्र डलर। न्यु एभरेस्ट  रेस्टुरेन्टको अगाडी पार्किङ्ग थिएन। रोडको छेउमा पार्क गरे र भित्र छिरे। ग्राम मसलाको बास्नाले गर्दा आफ्नै किचनको याद आयो। खानको प्याकिंग झोलामा राखेर गाडी स्टार्ट गरे। गुगल म्यापकि मेरी मार्ग निर्देशिकाले बोल्दै गईन। मैले उनैलाई फलो गर्दै गए। गाडी बोर्डेंन पार्कको छेउमा गएर रोकियो। यता उति हेरे कोहिपनि देखिन।  एकैछिनमा नजिकैको झाडीबाट एकजना मान्छे मतिर आउदै गरेको देखे। उ सरासर आयो र सोध्यो," इज दिस माई अर्डर ?'

 मैलोले जगल्टेको कपाल, जुत्रे कपडा र टाढै बाट गाँजाको गन्ध आउने मान्छे देखेर मलाई विश्वास गर्न अलि गारो भयो। 'आर यु   एरिक ?' मैले सोधे।

' यास् आई एम' उसले निर्धक्क भएर भन्यो।  झोलाबाट खानाको पोका निकाले र उसको हातमा दिए।
उसले धन्यबात दियो र सरासर झाडी भित्र पस्यो। झाडीभित्र सानो सानो क्याम्प जस्तो थियो।  ऊ त्यसै भित्र पस्यो। शायद त्यो नै उसको घर थियो।  उसले खानाको बिल अनलाइन तिरेको थियो, जसमा पाँच डलर टिप्स पनि।  बिश्वास गर्ने गाह्रो।  मिलियन डलरको घरमा बस्नेहरुको अर्डर मैले सित्तैमा बोकेको छु बिना टिप्स। तर बस्ने सम्म घर नभएको मान्छेले दस डलरको अर्डरमा पाँच डलर टिप्स दिनु भनेको पचास प्रतिशत हो। धनि र गरिबको मनको भिन्नता यसैमा छर्लंग देखियो।

एकछिन गाडीमै बसे। 'स्क्रिनमा अर्डर म्याच्ड  भनेर आयो।  आठ किलोमिटरको दुरीमा रहेको पिजा पसलबाट अर्डर टिपे र पुन पाँच किमि ड्राइभ गरेर 'ले जार्दीन अपार्टमेन्ट' को आठौ तलामा पुगे। कोठा नम्बर आठ सय तिनको  ढोकाको घन्टी थिचे। भित्रबाट एउटी भर्खरकी केटिले ढोका खोलि। कलेजी रंगको पारदर्शी टिशर्टबाट छातीमा भर्खरै पुस्टिदै गरेका अनार दाना जत्रा डल्ला मेरा निर्दोस नयनमा आएर अडिए। मन बेचैन भयो। हातमा पिजाको बक्स थमाए र धन्यबात दिए। उ मुसुक्क मात्र हाँसेर भित्र छिरी। ढोकाको ड्याम्म आवाज आएर कानमा बेस्मानी ठोकियो। हड्डीमा लोभिएको कुकुर जस्तै लुरुलुरु आफ्नो बाटो लागे म। 

गाडीमा तेल सकिन लागेछ। काम सुरु गरेको पनि पाँच घण्टा पुगेछ। स्क्रिनको माथिपट्टी आजको कमाएको पैसो डबल डिजिट मा रहेछ। तिन डिजिट सम्म पुग्छ कि भन्ने आशा थियो। जोड पनि नगरेको हैन। तर पनि पुगेन। तेल को खर्च कटाएर पाँच घन्टाको टोटल आम्दानी जम्मा साठी डलर। के गर्नु कमाई थोरै भयो भनेर। मनमनै सोचे 'पैसो त सिलाजित भन्दा नि गाह्रो ठाउमा हुदो रहेछ। नक्कली सिलाजित हो भने कुरो फरक। तरपनि मन कति पनि दुखि भएन। आफैले रोजेर गरेको काम हो।  मन नलागेको काम बाट दुइसय कमाऊनु भन्दा यसैमा खुसि भए म।
घरजानलाई स्टार्ट मात्र गरेको के थिए टिनिनी घंटि बज्यो। स्क्रिनमा हेरेको ' वाना स्टे अन द शिफ्ट ' भनेको रैछ। खै के आयो दिमागमा 'एस' भन्दि हाले। 'अर्डर दियो तिन डलर पच्चीस सेन्टको। मन दोधारे भयो। रातको दश बजिसक्यो। तिन डलरको लागि फेरी पन्द्र मिनेट जति गाडी कुदाउ कि घरमा गएर खाना खाएर आराम गरौ। छोरा छोरी संग एकै छिन भएपनि खेलौ। श्रीमतिलाई माया गरौ  ढिलो घर गयो भने सबै सुत्छन।  तिन डलरमा यति धेरै कुराहरु त्याग्न सकिन। शिफ्ट अन्त्य गरे र घरतिर लागे।

Branda and Mikala

Branda and Mikala are PDD clients live in a group home. They are both in their late forties . The group home is run by Exodus Society with the funds supported by Alberta Government and other organizations.

Branda, a heap of flesh on the mobility chair weighs four hundred pounds. On the bed, she can barely roll to the left and roll back to the right when her support staff puts a lifting belt around her. She can not raise her legs up of her own. When she is wrapped on the lifting belt and straps on under the arms and loins , a lifting machine pulls her up on the air and the staff moves her to the wheel chair and places with lowering her back down on the same chair. When she has to pee or poop, that is a different story. She is lifted by the machine and placed on the chair with the hole where she can place her butt, and poops and pees. It is tiring job for three people. She is helped by both male and female staff whenever she needs. She yells at the support staff when she gets hurt while assisting her in different activities. Once the staff wipes her ass and the loin, she is left alone. Then she pushes her wheel chair up to the common area for breakfast and lunch.

Mikala, is short and sturdy man with a pair of sharp eyes always looking into something deep. He has a big round bald head with freckles of dandruffs. His forehead looks like a patched sin of frog. His voice is louder than an army commander in the field of training. His back has a bedsore and getting worse as he complains pain. His legs are like a log without movements. When a support staff puts him on the wheel chair, he has to move himself back and forth until he is placed in the wheelchair. Taking him to the bathroom for bowl movement is a nightmare for a single staff. He can not pee when he wants because he has to wait a special medical staff to drain his pee. When the staff runs late than the scheduled time, he has to hold for longer which is so painful for him. Once he ass is wiped and clothes changed, the support staff places him on the wheel chair. He also heads over to the common area where he meets Branda. He always says," I want a job. I want to be a police officer. I want by back fixed so that I can walk myself." Every staff like to ask him," hey, Mika when are you going get training?"
Branda has a long mouth, and a pair of big eyes. When she laughs, her yellow crooked teeth resemble her sarcastic demeanour with mouthful of spit. She can not stop laughing any moment she wants unless she farts so bad and tear rolls down from the corner of her pointed nose. She often yells at the staff without reason to vent her stress. However, she looks nice to her staff while talking to Mikala. Mikala comes closer to her and looks into her eyes with compassion without expressing a word. If she drops something on the floor, he bends from the wheelchair, picks the stuffs up and hands it over to her. Branda not only thanks him but rolls her chair close to Mikala, cranes her neck and kisses in his cheeks in front of other staffs and the clients. The staffs who often sit in the couch while their clients dodging off, or look outside smile and thank Branda for being so nice to him. They also ask often in the absence of one," where is boyfriend or, girlfriend today. They smile and tell the truth.

However, this is not the case always. They fight, yell and throw fist to each other so many times of the day. They have very short tempers. When the staff ask why they fight like a dog and love like a dove, Branda looks into the eyes and smiles. One day I asked Branda, did you go to dating with Mikala yesterday?' she smiled pathetically and replied," No he is virgin'. I laughed for long. She tells her stories from her past lives. One day I was asking her how often did she go to the shopping mall, she was telling me almost everyday. Other staff named Chandra sitting next to me said,' did you go for shopping or, shop lifting?" She laughed until she farted out loud and said,' shop lifting'. She told that she once she was arrested while shop lifting and put in jail for three months. I asked," would you like to go there again?' She opened her mouth and remain quite as if she was a statue.

When I tell her that she has a good boyfriend who wants to be police officer, she looks at Mikala and smiles. Mikala turns to be and request to book appointment  with his family doctor to get his back fixed. He tells to everyone that he is going to police officer after his back fixed and becomes able to walk without assistance. Yesterday morning at the breakfast time I asked Mikala whether he arrests me after he gets into the police. He said." off course yes if you commit the crime". I said,' no Mikala you shouldn't because I am the one who is helping you getting into the police. I will also get you the police uniform and belt. You will have two hand cuffs in your belt." He was looking at me so humbly like a child. In his humility, I saw the ocean of hopes and dreams he has for life.

They love each other desperately despite their physical incapability and distinct behaviours. Their love is the hope for living. There is no much expectation besides seeing each other every morning in the same place, having breakfast and lunch in the same table and look into each others eyes. They have no desire for sex or physical pleasure. Their love was unconditional. There is no rejection for not being beautiful or handsome, not having more assets or a big house. They have only the love that is burning inside them and fueling their desire to love. Their love is protecting them from depression and anxiety. We can see the sparkle of light in their faces when they are together. They have a purpose in their life and meaning for living. Having purpose in life and making life more meaningful is the main source of happiness.
Branda and Mikala are made for each other.



  

What I See Through

A punk and a chic
Under the morning sun
Strolled
Towards the south from the North
Outside of the round dome
Abandoned for a year and a half
Centre for skaters for years
He cornered her by the medic door
She pulled off her bottom top
Spread her legs just right
Hunched holding the wall
He looked around
Groped her buttocks
Pulled out his venom injector
And shoved in just there
My camera lenses get confused the path
Motion detected for two minutes
Partially showing the grinding ass
He moved little back
Giving her room to be herself
Smoke whirled
As she walks towards the West
And he towards the East.
A mighty warier
History of western civilization
Sergeant Griesbach
Stood as a guard to see who is the next.

Cross Cultural Experience

I was at the dining table with five of my coworkers. One of them was my Manager.  All of them were Canadians. We used to have two staff appreciation lunch every month. There were more than a hundred staff having lunch in the same room, however, they were in the separate table as per department.
I was sitting with our department coworkers. There was a buffet set with a variety of foods with the name tag. I do not eat beef and pork. So, I avoided the food that contained beef or pork but took other vegetables and chicken. At the end of the lunch, I grabbed some desserts- one vanilla ice cream,  one cheesecake, and one piece of a chocolate tart cube with some stuff on the top. I did not read the tag. My co-worker asked me pointing the chocolate cube with some black stuff on the top, 'you know that is a beef'. I said,' are you sure?' He nodded his head for approval. No one said anything. I ate other things except the chocolate tart thinking that it had been. When I finished all and left the one, one of the staff asked me,' don't you eat the 'tart'. I said,' no, Terry says it contains beef. Everyone laughed at the situation( I don't think they laughed at me.) I realized that I was fooled by Terry. I learned a lesson," cultural differences can be a joke."
 It was a kind of awkward sitting with the people who have different cultural talks and perspective.  No matter how close you think you are with them, there always remains a cultural gap. You can talk in a straightforward language, respond appropriately, no matter how different your accent is. But sitting in a dining table and having an informal conversation was painful. You can joke with the people having similar cultural backgrounds. But if you are sitting with the people having a different cultural background, you hardly understand the jokes unless it shares the universal backgrounds.
Bantering is another skill of talking informally. However, if you are speaking the second language, you can not banter with them. Language has a lot of cultural layers blending like blood in the flesh of our body. If you separate culturally from language, the conversation will be dry and mechanical like the talking to the computer algorithms.
As soon as I realized that I was fooled, I tried to control the emotional response mechanism of my body. I tried not to be ashamed or bullied. I told him,' It is not funny.' If you go to Nepal, there will be hundreds of things you might not have even a clue'.
 ' Exactly! Manager said.
Some of them were still laughing. I ignored them and continued eating. No matter how I stoned myself, I located slight pain in my head. I applied  my own control tactic," locate, listen, breath and exhale.' I located the pain in the head. It was like a baby pinch. I listened to the message it passed to my system. I took a deep breath to calm down the system and exhaled. This process lasted a few seconds. But it made me feel good. I took it as a lesson. I swallowed it as a prescription drug without resistance.
No matter how smart you are, there are hundreds of soft spots that people can poke in. If you take that seriously, you can be defensive and more miserable. You feel bad, often sad, depressed. You lose your self-esteem. You lose confidence and smile. You can not look at the face of others because you feel insulted. Am I a retard? Am I funny? You keep asking such questions to yourself.
You have to think differently. I put him into my shoes and imagined that if it was with my colleagues in Nepal and we did a similar joke, how would he respond? This is not the common sense that works all the time. Sometimes we are so humble that we easily believe others. In several occasions, I have experienced that racial jokes or social pranks are made when you are the only minority in a group. Although people do not make fun of you no matter how things go wrong with you. But there are a few people who have a sadistic mindset who always find their jor in others pain. There is no way you have to take it seriously.
Let's go to the context to understand the incident more clearly. Terry was my coworker and senior to me. He was a Canadian born Chinese. We often talk about cultural differences, people, history and sex. When I was with me he never did the social pranks or any racial comments. But used to talk in my absence to prove himself superior. I did not object since I had no clear pieces of evidence. I assumed it because he used to backbite about other people. When I brought three pieces of dessert, other staff also eating the same amount of desert and similar items. They were all beef eaters. I was the only one who did not eat beef. Terry knew it. He used to make me aware of the beef while buying MacDonald, subways, and Timmis. So, I took it seriously. On the other hand, when he told me that the chocolate tart contains beef, nobody said nothing. The situation makes me think that it was it contains beef.
While he was laughing I sensed that he was saying," retard, how come you thing icecream contains beef". That expression could have pinched my heart. However, I stoned myself. I did not let my happiness spoiled by others stupid thought. My thinking was rational and I was right. First of all, I trusted him as a co-worker and senior staff. He was fifteen years old than me. Second, icecreams and pastries are made containing beef up to 50 percentage. I googled and found that pastries containing beef are unnoticeable. He did not know about this fact. I laughed at his knowledge and source of joy. He was such a loser.
I saw him being pranked by his Canadian friends and how miserable was he. He was pranked because no matter where you born unless you have the color and frame of your ancestors, you are who you are. He was a chain smoker and alcoholic. His wife was the biggest gamblers. He was such a loser that he used to work day and night and all the money he had mad was taken by his wife for gambling. I often heard the telephone conversation between them, he was one who got heck, dominated and bullied. The only way to vent his obsession was making a prank with someone who was socially and culturally vulnerable. He scapegoated me.
Since I have been experiencing discriminatory behaviors from the beginning, I prepared myself to bypass it. I have strong faith in me. I have the image of a lion. I did not take it as an insult or bully. But I absorbed as a lesson, precise feedback that you can use as a building block of your future career. They would talk in my absence and laugh pathetically. But cannot do anything to me.
 I used to work in another organization about fifteen months ago with two Canadian boys. One was introvert and egoist. Another was about twenty years old and social and friendly. One day he asked me where I was from. I said," from Nepal". He pronounced it as 'Nipple' and laughed. At that time I was more sensitive. His joke on my nationality hurt my feeling. I could not take that off my mind for several days. But TED talks and study of several books prepared me just right.
TED talks on stoicism influenced mine in such a way that some of the quotations are life-changing. "We suffer more in imagination than reality". ' don't let your feeling hurt by others stupidity'. I know who am I. I have the moral integrity to follow my soul than what actually other people talk about me. However, sometimes our life is so vulnerable that anyone can infect with the venom of their words. We need to be really prepared mentally to resist such venom before they get into our system. To be stoic is to be prepared for such infestations.
Living in another country with all new people having different culture, language, and mentality is really tough. You have to go through different obstacles and challenges. As you prepared yourself every morning letting your system know that 'you are going to meet people who are unhappy with you, they might insult you, might comment on your skin, and try to inferior you'. You will always meet people who will always pinpoint your mistakes since no one is perfect. But never let those negative ideas get into your system. Take feedbacks that really helps you to grow, but ignore the biased judgemental type of comments. You see different kinds of people in the world who interpret things on their favor based on their knowledge. They laugh at you, make fun of you due to their ignorance. They can not see the difference. They can not make a difference.
This morning I was filling gas into my car at Shell when I was approached by a homeless person. He looked like Asian by his skin. But his accent was Canadian. He asked me a dollar to buy food. I looked into his eyes and see the human heart as I have, and every human being has. I asked him to wait until I filled up the gas. He was telling me that though he lives on the street he is a good guy. I
remembered that I met him before when I was in the parking lot going in the process of visa application of my MOM. He was telling me that is I was missing my mom. I gave him a two dollars, though it was a very little amount, it made me happier than him. Today, I gave him two dollars and a few cents which brought light in his face and ever brighter in mine. He always brings a bit of good luck to me. This is how I look the brighter side of every human being. Your life is how you see it not how the other people look at you. Every human being is differently equipped with distinct cultural practices and education. The only common thing among us is we have a human heart capable of love and forgiveness.
No matter how old you are or, young, we have always enough time to achieve what we want. But the main problem of many of us is to figure out what the ultimate goal of our life is; wealth, health, relationship, popularity. We work day and night putting our health on risk when we prioritize wealth. We burned out completely working as a machine until it stops to work. No matter what impact it has in our health, we keep running after money. But experience and research show that most people realize towards the end of their life that health and relationship are the most important factors in our life.
Working in a foreign country without any skill and knowledge is stressful. You can be trained for a certain type of job with limited information. However, working with a team requires more personal skills than what we've learned from the job-specific training. We all are a social creature. We like to chat, joke, prank, and banter. But all of these qualities can be achieved from either from your childhood environment or by the gin. Some people like bantering while working in a team, however, this can be offensive to others who are especially quiet. I like jokes. Those jokes should be nonharmful. If you are sitting with culturally different people and cutting jokes, it might not be as funny as you think and vice versa. Sometimes it can create misunderstanding too. Many people make fun of language, skin, body structure, the way we eat, the way we dress up and many more. But it should be taken as a joke. If we get offended with such little thing (unless it is targeted you with the purpose of harassment) you can not enjoy the company. You can also cut jokes at them. We all are different in one way, or the other. If somebody thinks himself superior to you, it is neither his fault nor your. This is human nature. You should in your image as a lion so that such things can not hurt your feeling. However, if you see yourself as a cat, his image definitely scares you and make you feel bad. So, think yourself superior, smarter, tactical, knowledgeable. Take action to achieve these things.
Positive thinking always keeps you smarter boosting your mind and toning your body. Our mind is like a field where weeds grow without effort. However, if you want to cultivate the actual plant of fruits and vegetables you have to remove the weeds constantly, fertilize the plant, water the plant. Then only you can harvest what you cultivated. Similarly, negative thought is like weeds keep popping up in our mind. Positive thought needs to be cultivated and also protected as you protect the plant from the weeds. This is a conscious act of nourishing our mind.
Good books are far better than the good people. Reading a good book can change your life. Any author who writes a book reads hundreds of other books prior to his project, recollects his memory; good or bad and puts extra effort to police his ideas. Books are the main source of knowledge throughout history. Medieval period to the day, books are the main source of knowledge. Religious documents, historical documents, philosophy, political theories all written in the form of books which people keep reading. We have millions of books in the world libraries today, and most of them are the simulacrum. They are reproduced and sold in the market. The more you read the more you gain knowledge. The knowledge is the ultimate power to rule the world than the mercenaries.
I read the books of various authors on diaspora experience, racism, empowerment, morality. When I read these books, I feel extremely empowered and motivated. Besides I watch youtube, podcast, and TED which continually fuel my confidence and make me happy.